My attack on unwanted poundage isn't going quite as swimmingly as I'd hoped. Last week, Pyscho Mom was out of town so I was pulling double duty on the parenting front. I weathered that storm, but my forward march was slightly stalled.
This week, I'm back, but only slightly with a vengeance. Because I'm really fat and even more out of shape, I've been walking to get my body used to the beating its in for. Walking is so lame though, that I feel like I'm not doing anything. Even after a couple miles, my feet are hot and my legs tired, but I'm barely sweating.
Today was the day to sew up the vag and start getting air born. I was ready to break out of Bad Grandpa mode and start pushing the treadmill to spin a little faster. A look on the scale was all the motivation I needed. Somehow, I'm up 1.4 pounds this week.
I walked for a couple minutes to get my parts warm. Then, I went air born. Cranked that dreamill up to a sizzling 5.2 MPH and started to jog. Yeah, 5.2 is pretty puss but it's a start. I knew my lungs would be the first casualty of the day so I figured a combination of walking and jogging would make for a good routine where I could spend a decent amount of time in motion and burn some calories.
Amazingly, my lungs were hanging in there. Instead, it was my knees that waved the white flag. Initially, some sort of shin splinty kind of thing started acting up on the left leg, but that pain was soon overpowered by the fire in my right knee. Sadly, my right knee is the good knee, a virgin of scalpels and big needles. The left knee is a bit of a mess. It's got three little marks where the scope went in some years ago and it's been drained more times than I can remember. According to the doctor, 'it's fine,' but I know better. It's still my bum knee, but now it seems it's the better of the two.
While the left knee was making a noble effort at accepting this new chore of running, the right knee grimaced and whined and cried the whole time. After a combination of walking and jogging produced an embarrassing 13:44 mile, I called it a day and headed to the debriefing room to discuss the issue with the knees.
Me: Knees, what's the problem?
Knees: The problem? Have you looked in the mirror? That's the problem.
Me: Sure, I'm carrying a couple extra pounds, but that's no excuse.
Knees: A couple extra? Try a dozen.
Me: Ok, a dozen. But we've done this before, why suddenly is there a problem?
Knees: Dude, we're old. We're older than we've ever been. We're just about as fat as we've ever been. And that shit you feed us isn't exactly Jenny Jones approved.
Me: Come on, grow a pair. I have a beer a night on the weekend.
Knees: Yes, one beer in a 22-ounce bottle.
Me: So! It's not that unusual.
Knees: The one beer in the 22-ounce bottle isn't the problem. The problem, Einstein, is the one beer in the 22-ounce bottle is enjoyed with a half a bag of pretzels, a few handfuls of Cheez Its, another bottle of beer and then some ice cream, eaten right out of the container that you think no one knows about. And then a couple pieces of candy just so you don't have to walk back up the stairs all alone. And just for a nightcap, you get into the fridge-type thing that's upstairs and grab another bottle, just because you're tipsy by then and think that calories consumed when you're tipsy don't count.
Me: Point taken.
We seem to be near a mutiny. I'm getting little cooperation from the troops. This is a problem because in addition to wanting to be cougar-bait on my golf trip in May, I was hoping to participate in some 5K thing my wife's company is throwing. I call it the Ten Toes for Kiddoes because the thing benefits kiddoes in some way, but the higher ups had already named it something far less cool. Anyway, I think that's in April so I have to start making some headway.
The past two weeks have not been a good start as I'm already up a pound and a half.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Monday, January 20, 2014
What a great day to be alive
Due to my football team's lack of skills, football season for me is now over. No more entire weekends of watching TV the whole day. No more Monday nights of doing nothing. It's time to bring the troops back in and start progressing on our march.
Currently, I sit at a staggering 192.6 (I was surprised it was that low). I'm now wearing a B-cup and I keep getting phone calls from the local OB/GYNs trying to drum up my business. I'll have no more of it. I'm lazy and I look like shit. Well, I look as bad as a hot guy can look.
So, the troops have been brought in to discuss the latest iteration of Operation: Fat Bastard, which we're considering calling Operation: Fatter Bastard. I always like to give the guys not only a goal, but a deadline in which to accomplish the goal.
Despite being off any and all payrolls, I'm still going on my golf trip this year. Jennifer and I are leaving just past midnight on the morning of May 9. That gives me just shy of four months to drop some pounds. As is normally the case, the goal is for the scale to start with a 1 proceeded by a 7. After that, I don't care what it says.
I gave the troops their orders today and away I went on the dreadmill. It's been over two months since I'd turned the thing on and I was happy I remember which buttons to push to make it do things. Sadly, just programming the time, my weight, and the speed and incline, I worked up a bit of a sweat. But because I'm a warrior, I continued.
My intent was not to jog today, but simply make sure my shoes still fit and to get my body accustomed to the beating it was going to take. I thought a couple miles of walking would be a good start.
Slowly (3.9 MPH), and with a gentle incline (3.0) I began with left foot in front of right foot, then right foot in front of left foot. Nothing to it, I thought. I was listening to The Promise by When In Rome and kind of lost track of what was going on. The song ended and the aching in my knees suggested I'd been on the dreadmill for quite some time. Yep, one minute and 20 seconds to be precise. Two minutes later the little shin splinty things started to act up.
Fortunately, about that time, Monty walked into the mancave. This was odd because I clearly remembered letting both dogs outside before I went upstairs. I paused the forward march and ran downstairs. Yep, the back door was standing wide open. I'd yell at Hayden for this, but since it was me, I'm going to let it slide.
Back up to the dreadmill, Monty followed and was dying to get on. She'd put one paw on and then watch in horror as that paw slid towards the back. It took her about four attempts before she decided to lay on the floor next to me and keep and eye out for insurgents.
I stopped at 2 miles for a variety of reasons. First, it's a nice round number. But mostly it was because my feet were burning hot. I'd lost feeling in both knees around 1.3 miles so I was able to continue, but my feet were on fire and judging by the smokey scent in the air, they might have been.
Two miles and about 355 calories burned in the books.
Currently, I sit at a staggering 192.6 (I was surprised it was that low). I'm now wearing a B-cup and I keep getting phone calls from the local OB/GYNs trying to drum up my business. I'll have no more of it. I'm lazy and I look like shit. Well, I look as bad as a hot guy can look.
So, the troops have been brought in to discuss the latest iteration of Operation: Fat Bastard, which we're considering calling Operation: Fatter Bastard. I always like to give the guys not only a goal, but a deadline in which to accomplish the goal.
Despite being off any and all payrolls, I'm still going on my golf trip this year. Jennifer and I are leaving just past midnight on the morning of May 9. That gives me just shy of four months to drop some pounds. As is normally the case, the goal is for the scale to start with a 1 proceeded by a 7. After that, I don't care what it says.
I gave the troops their orders today and away I went on the dreadmill. It's been over two months since I'd turned the thing on and I was happy I remember which buttons to push to make it do things. Sadly, just programming the time, my weight, and the speed and incline, I worked up a bit of a sweat. But because I'm a warrior, I continued.
My intent was not to jog today, but simply make sure my shoes still fit and to get my body accustomed to the beating it was going to take. I thought a couple miles of walking would be a good start.
Slowly (3.9 MPH), and with a gentle incline (3.0) I began with left foot in front of right foot, then right foot in front of left foot. Nothing to it, I thought. I was listening to The Promise by When In Rome and kind of lost track of what was going on. The song ended and the aching in my knees suggested I'd been on the dreadmill for quite some time. Yep, one minute and 20 seconds to be precise. Two minutes later the little shin splinty things started to act up.
Fortunately, about that time, Monty walked into the mancave. This was odd because I clearly remembered letting both dogs outside before I went upstairs. I paused the forward march and ran downstairs. Yep, the back door was standing wide open. I'd yell at Hayden for this, but since it was me, I'm going to let it slide.
Back up to the dreadmill, Monty followed and was dying to get on. She'd put one paw on and then watch in horror as that paw slid towards the back. It took her about four attempts before she decided to lay on the floor next to me and keep and eye out for insurgents.
I stopped at 2 miles for a variety of reasons. First, it's a nice round number. But mostly it was because my feet were burning hot. I'd lost feeling in both knees around 1.3 miles so I was able to continue, but my feet were on fire and judging by the smokey scent in the air, they might have been.
Two miles and about 355 calories burned in the books.
Friday, January 17, 2014
I'm the parent of 'that child' and 'that dog'
Last night was the first night of puppy school for Monty. I'd been waiting for this for 5 or 6 weeks now and had purposely not worked with her in the interim because I didn't want to start teaching her one way of doing things and then confuse her with a different method.
Despite being a German Shepherd, Monty is a fraidy-cat at home. When she hears the neighbor's dogs bark, she immediately runs and hides behind me. While I really wanted an attack dog, I was somewhat happy with her submissiveness, thinking that she'd be quiet at school.
EPIC fail. Epic is in caps for a reason, it was the mother of all fails.
We arrived a few minutes late which really set the tone. Before we left, I checked my little duffel bag to make sure we had everything we needed. Sadly, I forgot to put everything back in, so as we were driving to school, I realized the mistake and headed back home.
So, as mentioned, we arrived a couple minutes late. We walked into a group of people, all holding the leases of their little pups. Monty immediately started barking at them. And barking. And barking. And barking.
Despite what some may think, I don't normally like to draw attention to myself. Sure, once in a while I do, but most of the time I'm quiet and try to keep to myself. That didn't happen last night. Everyone was making sure to see who the deadbeat dad was who couldn't control their dog.
After a few minutes, the assistant to the instructor, and old bag of a lady, walked over to me and said, "I wouldn't let him get away with that." (By the way, Monty is a girl) My first reaction was complete shock. It totally caught me off guard. My second reaction was to tell the old bag of a lady to get out of my business. However, I'm now on happy pills and far more mature than I used to be so I went with my third reaction..."Well, I'm hoping you guys will teach me how."
Another minute or two of barking ensued before the bag lady came by with a spray bottle. She gave Monty a quick spray and it shut her up. The bag lady smiled a horribly, ugly smile and turned around. Monty realized she was ok and proceeded to continue barking. The bag lady came at Monty one more time and zapped her. This time Monty snapped at the water bottle. While it probably wasn't the proper thing for Monty to do, I was very proud of her for letting the bag lady know what's what.
A couple more minutes went by before the lead instructor mentioned, "Maybe you should take her outside and walk her around the yard." Seven or eight minutes in and we'd already been relegated to time out. This wasn't the start I'd hope for.
Hayden and I walked the puppy outside for a few minutes, then went back inside. At this point, Monty was settling down and getting tired of barking. She only barked when another puppy made eye contact or got too close. The class went into introductions and when it came to me, I mentioned who Hayden and I were and said, "You've already met Monty." There were smiles, except from the bag lady, and the introductions continued.
The whole time, the bag lady was staring at Monty. And then at me. And then at Monty. And then at me again. Bitch.
For the rest of the night, Monty did fairly well. She only tried to eat a couple of the dogs and for the most part only barked when she felt another dog was staring at her or tried to invade her space.
I'm already not looking forward to next week because I'm afraid they're going to give me my money back and ask that I leave Monty at home. However, I'm very proud of Monty for both snapping at the water bottle and for trying to fend off the bad puppies, even though the other puppies weren't bad (the little Great Dane puppy might have been as cute as Monty).
I don't know if she'll ever learn to sit, stay, and not jump on people, but at least the house will be protected.
Despite being a German Shepherd, Monty is a fraidy-cat at home. When she hears the neighbor's dogs bark, she immediately runs and hides behind me. While I really wanted an attack dog, I was somewhat happy with her submissiveness, thinking that she'd be quiet at school.
EPIC fail. Epic is in caps for a reason, it was the mother of all fails.
We arrived a few minutes late which really set the tone. Before we left, I checked my little duffel bag to make sure we had everything we needed. Sadly, I forgot to put everything back in, so as we were driving to school, I realized the mistake and headed back home.
So, as mentioned, we arrived a couple minutes late. We walked into a group of people, all holding the leases of their little pups. Monty immediately started barking at them. And barking. And barking. And barking.
Despite what some may think, I don't normally like to draw attention to myself. Sure, once in a while I do, but most of the time I'm quiet and try to keep to myself. That didn't happen last night. Everyone was making sure to see who the deadbeat dad was who couldn't control their dog.
After a few minutes, the assistant to the instructor, and old bag of a lady, walked over to me and said, "I wouldn't let him get away with that." (By the way, Monty is a girl) My first reaction was complete shock. It totally caught me off guard. My second reaction was to tell the old bag of a lady to get out of my business. However, I'm now on happy pills and far more mature than I used to be so I went with my third reaction..."Well, I'm hoping you guys will teach me how."
Another minute or two of barking ensued before the bag lady came by with a spray bottle. She gave Monty a quick spray and it shut her up. The bag lady smiled a horribly, ugly smile and turned around. Monty realized she was ok and proceeded to continue barking. The bag lady came at Monty one more time and zapped her. This time Monty snapped at the water bottle. While it probably wasn't the proper thing for Monty to do, I was very proud of her for letting the bag lady know what's what.
A couple more minutes went by before the lead instructor mentioned, "Maybe you should take her outside and walk her around the yard." Seven or eight minutes in and we'd already been relegated to time out. This wasn't the start I'd hope for.
Hayden and I walked the puppy outside for a few minutes, then went back inside. At this point, Monty was settling down and getting tired of barking. She only barked when another puppy made eye contact or got too close. The class went into introductions and when it came to me, I mentioned who Hayden and I were and said, "You've already met Monty." There were smiles, except from the bag lady, and the introductions continued.
The whole time, the bag lady was staring at Monty. And then at me. And then at Monty. And then at me again. Bitch.
For the rest of the night, Monty did fairly well. She only tried to eat a couple of the dogs and for the most part only barked when she felt another dog was staring at her or tried to invade her space.
I'm already not looking forward to next week because I'm afraid they're going to give me my money back and ask that I leave Monty at home. However, I'm very proud of Monty for both snapping at the water bottle and for trying to fend off the bad puppies, even though the other puppies weren't bad (the little Great Dane puppy might have been as cute as Monty).
I don't know if she'll ever learn to sit, stay, and not jump on people, but at least the house will be protected.
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Oh yeah, it's still on.
I don't have a lot of time because I'm stuck in the trenches and the internet reception isn't great in times of war. That said, I wanted everyone to know that Operation: Fat Bastard is still a go. Lately, we've gone dark, avoiding communications of all sorts, but in the background, the guys have been working some covert operations. Like Axel Foley in Beverly Hills Cop II, we've gone deep undercover...like Double Secret Probation-type deep undercover.
The recent Fall Festival was but a flesh wound of a set back in our desire to shed some lbs. Dr. Thickfinger doubling my happy pill intake hasn't exactly helped the lbs drop either. With these two recent set backs, I hit a rotund 195 pounds on October 21. Yes, it was impressive, borderline spectacular. But that was the final straw.
As a unit, our guys regrouped and planned a different method of attack. We decided the best course of action was to continue moving forward with baby steps on the dreadmill, but we also decided on some counter measures reserved for just this sort of battle.
Since the previous Monday (10/21), with the exception of the weekends, I've been on a diet. Yes, a diet. During the weekdays, I've eaten nothing but milk shakes, candy bars, pumpkin bagels with cream cheese, potato chips and mini bell peppers...with the occasional meal of spaghetti or a burger thrown in for good measure.
It's not as bad as it sounds. The milk shakes are my homemade protein drinks. The candy bars are my protein bars. The bagels are just what you'd expect, as are the chips and the peppers. Really, they're my favorite things to eat, so I look forward to it.
I start each day with a protein smoothie and a bagel. I snack on a protein bar if I get hungry. After I pick up Hayden from school, before we start on homework, he and I both wolf down some potato chips. For dinner I have another protein smoothie and another bagel. Later in the evening, I'll put a hurtin' on the mini bells peppers (those things are like candy to me) if I get hungry. Editor's note: since I picked up some Halloween candy at the store this past weekend, I've noticed I might have a few pieces to kill a sweet tooth before brushing my toofers.
This 'diet' keeps me full, and has like 1 calorie. I've been trying to jog a mile in the mornings and again in the evenings, but I've found I'm only doing it in the mornings because I'm about to fall asleep after working on homework with Hayden...fourth grade is SOOOOO boring.
Anyway, the previous Monday I almost broke the scale at 195.0 pounds. This morning, the damned thing would only go up to 189.2. Operation: Fat Bastard is in the Shock and Awe stage right now, I can't wait to see what happens next.
The recent Fall Festival was but a flesh wound of a set back in our desire to shed some lbs. Dr. Thickfinger doubling my happy pill intake hasn't exactly helped the lbs drop either. With these two recent set backs, I hit a rotund 195 pounds on October 21. Yes, it was impressive, borderline spectacular. But that was the final straw.
As a unit, our guys regrouped and planned a different method of attack. We decided the best course of action was to continue moving forward with baby steps on the dreadmill, but we also decided on some counter measures reserved for just this sort of battle.
Since the previous Monday (10/21), with the exception of the weekends, I've been on a diet. Yes, a diet. During the weekdays, I've eaten nothing but milk shakes, candy bars, pumpkin bagels with cream cheese, potato chips and mini bell peppers...with the occasional meal of spaghetti or a burger thrown in for good measure.
It's not as bad as it sounds. The milk shakes are my homemade protein drinks. The candy bars are my protein bars. The bagels are just what you'd expect, as are the chips and the peppers. Really, they're my favorite things to eat, so I look forward to it.
I start each day with a protein smoothie and a bagel. I snack on a protein bar if I get hungry. After I pick up Hayden from school, before we start on homework, he and I both wolf down some potato chips. For dinner I have another protein smoothie and another bagel. Later in the evening, I'll put a hurtin' on the mini bells peppers (those things are like candy to me) if I get hungry. Editor's note: since I picked up some Halloween candy at the store this past weekend, I've noticed I might have a few pieces to kill a sweet tooth before brushing my toofers.
This 'diet' keeps me full, and has like 1 calorie. I've been trying to jog a mile in the mornings and again in the evenings, but I've found I'm only doing it in the mornings because I'm about to fall asleep after working on homework with Hayden...fourth grade is SOOOOO boring.
Anyway, the previous Monday I almost broke the scale at 195.0 pounds. This morning, the damned thing would only go up to 189.2. Operation: Fat Bastard is in the Shock and Awe stage right now, I can't wait to see what happens next.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
War tactics update
Operation: Fat Bastard is still in effect. The soldiers took liberty for a four-day holiday weekend, but aside from that, operations are still in motion.
A couple Tuesdays ago, O:FB commenced with Plyometrics, part of the P90X routine. That day ended with serious casualties as my legs didn't work very well the rest of the day and into the evening. In addition, my lungs and heart wanted no further part of it. I ended the week by flanking Plyometrics with Cardio X (from the same P90X program) and some hours on my road bike, propped up on a stand in the middle of the kitchen. Yes, all kitchens should have a nice mounted bike in the middle of them.
As the troops were just starting to make progress, they were granted leave for the holiday. Bike riding was still part of the equation, but little else was, unless you consider snifter and fishbowl curls part of the plan. Needless to say, there was a lot of that activity taking place. If there was any progress made by the time leave ended, it was negligible and likely, we did some retreating.
On Tuesday of this week, another round of Plyometrics took place, and my legs handled it very well. My lungs and heart are still on strike, however. I was gassed early on, and I think it was mostly because this happened after a 4-day holiday weekend. So, while I finished and my lower body feels better about it, the MPs are keeping an eye on my upper body for war crimes.
Yesterday and this morning I did more Cardio X. It's been a struggle, mostly due to the strike of my lungs and heart. It's probably good that my heart rate monitor needs a new battery, because it would be beeping the whole time (it beeps when your heart rates closes in on death). Fortunately, with the bad battery, there is no beeping so I carry on. The way I see it, I'm either going to die because my heart explodes or my heart is going to get with the program and O:FB will grow easier. It's a win-win as far as I'm concerned.
I'm trying to work on a second round of strikes each day because working out twice a day has always worked well for me in the past, but have currently been unable to do so. As of yet, I don't see much progress on the scale or in that my clothes fit better, but it's early and my body is still getting used to the trauma, plus I seem to weigh myself at different times each day, which doesn't allow for a good apples to apples comparison.
The troops really need to start progressing because football season starts tonight, the days are getting shorter, and the Fall Festival is in like 5 weeks. If enemy forces continue to withstand O:FB, I may see the scale reading 2-large before long.
A couple Tuesdays ago, O:FB commenced with Plyometrics, part of the P90X routine. That day ended with serious casualties as my legs didn't work very well the rest of the day and into the evening. In addition, my lungs and heart wanted no further part of it. I ended the week by flanking Plyometrics with Cardio X (from the same P90X program) and some hours on my road bike, propped up on a stand in the middle of the kitchen. Yes, all kitchens should have a nice mounted bike in the middle of them.
As the troops were just starting to make progress, they were granted leave for the holiday. Bike riding was still part of the equation, but little else was, unless you consider snifter and fishbowl curls part of the plan. Needless to say, there was a lot of that activity taking place. If there was any progress made by the time leave ended, it was negligible and likely, we did some retreating.
On Tuesday of this week, another round of Plyometrics took place, and my legs handled it very well. My lungs and heart are still on strike, however. I was gassed early on, and I think it was mostly because this happened after a 4-day holiday weekend. So, while I finished and my lower body feels better about it, the MPs are keeping an eye on my upper body for war crimes.
Yesterday and this morning I did more Cardio X. It's been a struggle, mostly due to the strike of my lungs and heart. It's probably good that my heart rate monitor needs a new battery, because it would be beeping the whole time (it beeps when your heart rates closes in on death). Fortunately, with the bad battery, there is no beeping so I carry on. The way I see it, I'm either going to die because my heart explodes or my heart is going to get with the program and O:FB will grow easier. It's a win-win as far as I'm concerned.
I'm trying to work on a second round of strikes each day because working out twice a day has always worked well for me in the past, but have currently been unable to do so. As of yet, I don't see much progress on the scale or in that my clothes fit better, but it's early and my body is still getting used to the trauma, plus I seem to weigh myself at different times each day, which doesn't allow for a good apples to apples comparison.
The troops really need to start progressing because football season starts tonight, the days are getting shorter, and the Fall Festival is in like 5 weeks. If enemy forces continue to withstand O:FB, I may see the scale reading 2-large before long.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
A glutton
As the day wore on yesterday, my body grew tighter and tighter. Not so much sore, though I could feel aches in a few spots, just 'tight.' After I picked up Hayden from school and worked with him on his homework, I decided on a great way to loosen up. I put in the Cardio X disc and had another round.
In addition to the cat and the dog helping (stretching to downward dog with a cat's fluffy tail in your sweaty face is a real treat), I had the assistance of an almost 10-year old helping me along the way by informing me how easy each move was by demonstrating the exact worst posture for each position. However, after I showed Hayden the proper form (or at least better form) and he realized how much Yoga sucks, he soon found respite on the couch with the dog.
All the stretching moves were a bit easier than hours before, though the aches grew worse. I was sweating just as much as previously and acknowledged that was just weakness leaving the body. Along with the weakness leaving the body were roughly 550 calories, according to the P90X Calories Burned Calculator. Being that I did that twice yesterday, that's 1100 calories that had their asses handed to them. But I was spent. I yawned most of the night before heading off to bed a bit earlier than normal.
My intent was to do something this morning before heading into the office as working out once in the morning and again later in the day has historically provided me with the best results. Instead, my body was dead and getting out of bed sucked ass. My legs were shot. My left foot hurt. Even my arms were sore from throwing punches during the Kenpo portion of the Cardio X workout.
I'm sitting in my office right now, and my legs and arms are still slightly sore, but only when I move. Being a warrior has its drawbacks and not listening to your body is one of them. While a sore body isn't any fun, it's nice to know I'm making progress, even if it is early and I have no tangible results to show for it (I still look like shit).
Hayden is off school tomorrow and I'm staying home to watch him, so my four day weekend starts in a couple hours. I'm eager to see what kind of pain I can cause myself when I get home.
In addition to the cat and the dog helping (stretching to downward dog with a cat's fluffy tail in your sweaty face is a real treat), I had the assistance of an almost 10-year old helping me along the way by informing me how easy each move was by demonstrating the exact worst posture for each position. However, after I showed Hayden the proper form (or at least better form) and he realized how much Yoga sucks, he soon found respite on the couch with the dog.
All the stretching moves were a bit easier than hours before, though the aches grew worse. I was sweating just as much as previously and acknowledged that was just weakness leaving the body. Along with the weakness leaving the body were roughly 550 calories, according to the P90X Calories Burned Calculator. Being that I did that twice yesterday, that's 1100 calories that had their asses handed to them. But I was spent. I yawned most of the night before heading off to bed a bit earlier than normal.
My intent was to do something this morning before heading into the office as working out once in the morning and again later in the day has historically provided me with the best results. Instead, my body was dead and getting out of bed sucked ass. My legs were shot. My left foot hurt. Even my arms were sore from throwing punches during the Kenpo portion of the Cardio X workout.
I'm sitting in my office right now, and my legs and arms are still slightly sore, but only when I move. Being a warrior has its drawbacks and not listening to your body is one of them. While a sore body isn't any fun, it's nice to know I'm making progress, even if it is early and I have no tangible results to show for it (I still look like shit).
Hayden is off school tomorrow and I'm staying home to watch him, so my four day weekend starts in a couple hours. I'm eager to see what kind of pain I can cause myself when I get home.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Not sure where to start
I can sum up yesterday in two words...it sucked. My back, shoulders and neck hurt until late evening. I popped pills all day long so I could still move. And the anxiety of what the next day brought didn't inspire me much.
This morning started with tired quads, sore hammies, and tight calves. Fortunately, the upper body aches were only barely noticeable. Getting out of bed proved easier than I expected, but the trip down the stairs showed things weren't as peachy as I thought. With each step down, I felt fire in my hamstrings and fatigue in my quads. I realized there was no way I could do another round of Plyometrics without a day or two of rest in between. Instead, I opted for the Cardio X workout.
Cardio X is just what it sounds like. You warm up with some Yoga exercises to stretch, move on to Kenpo (a basic form of Karate with mild kicks and punches) to get the body warmed up, then really start to burn calories with a combination of Plyometrics and other cardio and core exercises.
It's been a while since I'd done this disc and I forgot some of the exercises, and one other thing. At the start of the disc it tells you to have a heart rate monitor, water and towel, yoga mat, etc. Seeing 'water and towel' I expected there to be short water breaks in between some of the exercises. Not so much.
Starting off with the yoga showed just how tired my quads were. My body shook during runners pose and the 2-3 warrior poses. I continually lost my balance, but had both a cat and a dog right at my feet to catch any falls. The yoga in P90X is different than any of the yoga I've seen on TV. The poses I've seen on TV usually require you to hold the position for 10-15 seconds. In Yoga X, you're looking at holding poses for 45-90 seconds. It's brutal, and that's just the stretching part of the Cardio X routine.
By the time the yoga portion was done, I was covered in sweat and dying for that first break. Don't hold your breath because it's not there.
The Kenpo is kind of cheesy, but does warm your body and during this series of exercises, the sweat was flowing freely. Like I said, kind of cheesy, but sort of neat at the same time.
I could have done without the Plyometrics moves today, but they were fairly low impact, so I went with it. Actually, after yesterday, it was a blessing to only perform a handful of these moves. I breezed through them, sweating profusely the whole way til we got to the more cardio-based moves, at which point I really expected a water break. Still didn't happen.
So, I paused the damned disc and made my own water break. The Citrus Cooler Gatorade never tasted so good. I toweled off and headed into the home stretch of exercises aimed at seeing if I could induce a heart attack with some cardio/core exercises.
There are two in particular that are kind of fun, but simply shred your body, especially if you're in shitty shape like me. The first is called Steam Engines. If I remember right, you do this for something like a minute and twenty seconds. It starts off fun, then it just hurts.
Watch below in this video:
The brother in this video is holding his head a little low, the P90X guy would want it a little higher, but try this for 80 or 90 seconds and see what it feels like.
Another exercise that starts off wacky and cute is called Wacky Jacks. They take a while to get a feel for and you usually do them wrong the first couple times you do the disc, but you eventually get it...and holy crap does it burn. Watch this chick below:
It was somewhere during the Wacky Jacks where my lungs caught fire and I had not only sweat, but tears rolling down my face. And after this crazy series of moves, did we get a water break??? Hell no, it was time for a 5-minute cool down to end the program.
When I stretched my legs, I heard things pop in three different places. Fortunately, I didn't feel anything pop because I was number by then. Not sure what it was, but I can't imagine it's good. I limped into the kitchen for some more Gatorade, then crawled up the stairs to the shower. In the shower I couldn't distinguish the water from the sweat from the tears.
Now a couple hours later I'm at work and I can't feel anything below my waist. Well, I can feel one thing, but nothing below that. Everything is tight and sore, but nothing hurts...unless I move.
I didn't get on the scale today because I expected it to be higher than yesterday. Anytime you start some sort of cardio program, your body overreacts into thinking you're going to die so it stores up excess water so you don't dehydrate and you end up weighing more than the day you started, so I'll wait til the end of the weekend and see what I weigh.
There's so much sore in my lower body right now, that it won't all fit and it's radiating up into my butt muscles. Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.
This morning started with tired quads, sore hammies, and tight calves. Fortunately, the upper body aches were only barely noticeable. Getting out of bed proved easier than I expected, but the trip down the stairs showed things weren't as peachy as I thought. With each step down, I felt fire in my hamstrings and fatigue in my quads. I realized there was no way I could do another round of Plyometrics without a day or two of rest in between. Instead, I opted for the Cardio X workout.
Cardio X is just what it sounds like. You warm up with some Yoga exercises to stretch, move on to Kenpo (a basic form of Karate with mild kicks and punches) to get the body warmed up, then really start to burn calories with a combination of Plyometrics and other cardio and core exercises.
It's been a while since I'd done this disc and I forgot some of the exercises, and one other thing. At the start of the disc it tells you to have a heart rate monitor, water and towel, yoga mat, etc. Seeing 'water and towel' I expected there to be short water breaks in between some of the exercises. Not so much.
Starting off with the yoga showed just how tired my quads were. My body shook during runners pose and the 2-3 warrior poses. I continually lost my balance, but had both a cat and a dog right at my feet to catch any falls. The yoga in P90X is different than any of the yoga I've seen on TV. The poses I've seen on TV usually require you to hold the position for 10-15 seconds. In Yoga X, you're looking at holding poses for 45-90 seconds. It's brutal, and that's just the stretching part of the Cardio X routine.
By the time the yoga portion was done, I was covered in sweat and dying for that first break. Don't hold your breath because it's not there.
The Kenpo is kind of cheesy, but does warm your body and during this series of exercises, the sweat was flowing freely. Like I said, kind of cheesy, but sort of neat at the same time.
I could have done without the Plyometrics moves today, but they were fairly low impact, so I went with it. Actually, after yesterday, it was a blessing to only perform a handful of these moves. I breezed through them, sweating profusely the whole way til we got to the more cardio-based moves, at which point I really expected a water break. Still didn't happen.
So, I paused the damned disc and made my own water break. The Citrus Cooler Gatorade never tasted so good. I toweled off and headed into the home stretch of exercises aimed at seeing if I could induce a heart attack with some cardio/core exercises.
There are two in particular that are kind of fun, but simply shred your body, especially if you're in shitty shape like me. The first is called Steam Engines. If I remember right, you do this for something like a minute and twenty seconds. It starts off fun, then it just hurts.
Watch below in this video:
The brother in this video is holding his head a little low, the P90X guy would want it a little higher, but try this for 80 or 90 seconds and see what it feels like.
Another exercise that starts off wacky and cute is called Wacky Jacks. They take a while to get a feel for and you usually do them wrong the first couple times you do the disc, but you eventually get it...and holy crap does it burn. Watch this chick below:
It was somewhere during the Wacky Jacks where my lungs caught fire and I had not only sweat, but tears rolling down my face. And after this crazy series of moves, did we get a water break??? Hell no, it was time for a 5-minute cool down to end the program.
When I stretched my legs, I heard things pop in three different places. Fortunately, I didn't feel anything pop because I was number by then. Not sure what it was, but I can't imagine it's good. I limped into the kitchen for some more Gatorade, then crawled up the stairs to the shower. In the shower I couldn't distinguish the water from the sweat from the tears.
Now a couple hours later I'm at work and I can't feel anything below my waist. Well, I can feel one thing, but nothing below that. Everything is tight and sore, but nothing hurts...unless I move.
I didn't get on the scale today because I expected it to be higher than yesterday. Anytime you start some sort of cardio program, your body overreacts into thinking you're going to die so it stores up excess water so you don't dehydrate and you end up weighing more than the day you started, so I'll wait til the end of the weekend and see what I weigh.
There's so much sore in my lower body right now, that it won't all fit and it's radiating up into my butt muscles. Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)