I just want a dry towel

There are two avenues I can take with this subject and I can't decide which works best, so you get the bonus plan today because I'm going down both roads.

We have a new reality series taking place at our house called Towel Wars.  I'm not sure how or why it started, but we have towel issues.  My wife does the laundry and always places two towels in the bathroom she uses to shower in and two additional towels in the bathroom Hayden and I use to shower in.  At some point a few years ago, I got tired of the sandpaper feel of the towels I was using, so I stopped by Kohl's and picked up four towels.  Since Hayden and I both have a y-chromosome, I figured 4 was plenty for the two of us to use each week.  I shower at least twice a day (yeah, I like to be clean) and Hayden is a little boy, so if we didn't make him shower each night, he'd go months without one.  So, again, I figured 4 towels was plenty for us.

Unfortunately, it didn't work out quite that way as my wife immediately commandeered two of the towels.  So, I bought 4 towels for two boys to use and I got to use exactly one of them.

I made due til one of the towels tore.  It started off small, but gradually grew and grew, and somehow, I was always the lucky winner of the shitty towel.  Growing increasingly tired of drawing the short straw with each trip in the shower, I decided to pick up two more towels a few months back.  I was hanging with the Democrats at Wally World one weekend picking up some groceries when I passed by the towels.  "Hmm," I thought, "I'll pick up a couple more towels so I can finally use one that doesn't tear each time I use it."  Problem resolved.

Except it wasn't.  Later the night I bought the new towels, Jennifer came in, sheepishly, and told me she had something very selfish to talk about.  She wanted to know why I hadn't picked up any towels for her.  I explained that 1.) she didn't put towels down on her wish list from the store and 2.) I was tired of using the shitty towel.  She relented and left the two new towels for Hayden and me to fight over.

The second tangent to Towel Wars involves Hayden being at a very impressionable stage right now.  This is mostly the reason I get yelled at for letting him watch Archer with me.  I counter that he doesn't understand any of what's going on with Archer, but regardless, Hayden is very impressionable right now.  What's happened lately is that he sees Mommy using two towels when she gets out of the shower, so now he's started using two towels.

He uses one towel like everyone, wrapped around his waist to hide his little vegetables and then another for his hair, just like most chicks do.  The result of this is that because I take a shower later than him, and he used both towels designated for male use, I get stuck with two wet towels to choose from.

In case you're keeping track, over the past few years I've purchased 6 towels for ME to use, as I shower more than anyone in the house--it only seems fair (unless you're a Democrat, then you'll likely want to tax me for being rich because I have more towels than should be necessary).  And in those years, due to Towel Wars, I've had my choice of a ripped towel (then) or a wet towel (now).

I just want a dry towel.