Pit stops

I read something or saw something a while back that said humans were the only species to have sex for fun.  All other species did/do it strictly for procreation.  I don't recall how they determined that or how they knew, I mean what's to say some horny monkey didn't see some sweet monkey ass in a nearby tree and decide he'd like a little piece of that?  But, I'm not a scientist and I didn't stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night, so I'm forced to take their word for it.

Last night while walking the dog, I came across something else that we humans appear to do for mere enjoyment as opposed to necessity.  While walking my pup, Memphis, she mostly succeeds at trying to pull my arm out of its socket.  I lead the way and choose which side of the street we walk on, but she provides the power.  I walk at a brisk pace to keep up, while she pulls with all her might trying to set some sort of land speed record.  A couple times during the walk, she stops and takes a whiz.  From time to time, like last night, she stops to drop ass in a neighbor's yard (which I pick up in a little doggie shit bag thing because I'm a good neighbor).  What I found odd about last night, and it made me think, she took maybe all of 4 seconds to stop and plop before back at breakneck pace.

Dogs and other species of beings use this elimination as necessity.  I, on the other hand, treat it like an event. Sure, there are times when you don't play around--half-time of a football game, favorite show is getting ready to start, things like that--but generally speaking, dropping as at my house is quite the event, almost a celebration.

Well, not so much for my wife.  Being a female, she kind of treats it like other animals...she does her business and gets off the throne.  So, maybe it's a guy thing.  Hayden and I, we take our time and enjoy our privacy.

I'm not sure if this is learned behavior or not.  I know Hayden didn't learn bathroom etiquette at school and I don't recall teaching him, it's something he seemingly was born with.  Now, after we get home from school, he walks in the house, puts his backpack on the stove, opens the gate and lets the puppy out the back door, then grabs his Kindle Fire and relaxes with his thoughts.

We have three toilets at home.  If I take a whiz, I use whichever is closest.  However, when I've got to take the Huxtables swimming, I always use the same bathroom.  It's really a second office at home.  All my reading material is in there--at least two copies of Beer Advocate magazine and Draft Magazine and 3 hardback books about beer--as well as a small, portable heater for these colder days when my soft cheeks might get cold.

As a kid, like Hayden, it was just something I learned.  Back then, I'd take in a book with me (usually something by Richard Scarry) and I didn't get up til I was done learning whatever Richard felt like teaching.  Typically I'd get up and those soft cheeks were stuck to the seat and I'd be left with a red ring about my tiny apple of a butt.  I was never taught this, it just happened.

I'm not sure why other animals haven't caught onto this yet, it's not like they don't watch us.  Just one more reason animals will never run the world.