I'd own the 3rd grade

As I type this, Hayden has flunked--or is in the process of flunking--his science test. Unless he miraculously learned it all while sleeping, he was in for a long day today because yesterday, he didn't know dick about the science material.  I, on the other hand, would ace the test.

I learned about carnivores, herbivores, and omnivores.  I learned about predators and prey and that some animals can be both.  I learned that producers (plants) create their own food, that consumers (animals) eat plants, animals, or both, and that decomposers break down dead things and the waste of living things.

I learned about deserts and wetlands; rain forests, deciduous forests and coniferous forests; salt water and fresh water.  I learned that a population is all the living things of the same kind in an environment; while a community is all the living things in an environment (a difficult concept for a third grader, not to mention a slightly difficult concept for a 43-year old).

Hayden learned that you can find cactus and kangaroo rats in the desert and ocelots usually come from the rain forest.  I'm particularly proud of this fact because he learned what an ocelot was from watching Archer with me.  Take that Mommy...Archer just became educational.

On top of all that, in math I learned that any number multiplied by 1 is said number and that the product of any number times 0 is 0.  I learned that knight and night are both on the spelling test Friday and Hayden can't differentiate which is which.

Late last night after most of you went to bed, I learned about celebrations and holidays in advance of the social studies test on Monday.  Cinco de Mayo, St. Patrick's Day, Founders Day, MLK's birthday, Veteran's Day and Memorial Day?  Check.  State fairs?  Yep, I know a little about them too.  And don't get me started on Thanksgiving, because I know a few things about the Pilgrims and the Injuns too.

I remember telling my wife during the Olympics that I'd dominate in Women's water polo (even though I'm old, fat, and don't swim all that well, with the water polo ball in hand, I can still bring it (by the way, what the hell do you call a 'water polo ball'?).

Just like then, I'm here to tell you now, I'd own the third grade.